SCI
page 2 / 4
long hours for a very small wage are typical within Scientology.
- Changes in appearance -- Scientology staff members can
appear somewhat unkempt because of the lack of money to buy adequate
clothing and toiletries.
- Vocational turnabouts -- the person will eventually
abandon prior career plans in favor of a career as an "auditor" within
Scientology (which has nothing to do with keeping books!) or deciding to
join the Sea Org.
- Indications of psychological distress -- overeating,
oversleeping, outbursts of anger or depression may indicate increased
psychological conflict.
- Diminished academic performance -- the Scientologist
still attending non-Scientology classes will probably lose interest in
the secular classes as he or she spends more and more time on the cult
courses, and will eventually drop out of school.
When a someone finds out that their family member is in Scientology,
there are a number of common thoughts and feelings they might have, for
example:
- Guilt -- "What did we do wrong?" or, "It's all my fault."
- Shame, embarrassment, self-consciousness -- "What will we
tell the relatives?" or, "What will the neighbors think?"
- Fear -- "What if we can't get him/her out?"
- Accusations -- "It's all your fault," or, "If you hadn't
been so/done X, this wouldn't be happening."
- Bitterness toward life, God -- "God, why is this
happening to me?"
- Loneliness -- "I really miss her/him."
- Sense of being burdened, overwhelmed -- "I just don't
know what to do about all this."
- Helplessness, incompetence -- "There isn't anything I can
do about this."
- Rejection, hurt -- "How could he/she have done this to
me?"
- Alarm -- "I am really worried about him/her."
Although many of these feelings are self-defeating, there are some
very concrete things that a parent both can and should not do to
maximize the chances of his or her child getting out of the cult. I have
attempted to list these in order of priority:
- DON'T debate Scientology's ideology, methods or theology
with the member in person, in letters or on the phone. Many parents, in
their frustration, attempt to do this because they don't fully realize
the effectiveness of the mind control that is controlling their family
member.
Scientology, through the use of the hypnotic Training Routing Zero and
the repetitiveness of many of the auditing processes, has the member
under a hypnotic trance as well as brainwashed, and it is not possible
in most situations to use a rational approach to get them out of
Scientology.
It's like this: if a person is hypnotized to see a black dog in the
middle of the room -- they can pet the dog, hear him bark, etc. --
telling him there is no dog in the room probably won't work. It's much
the same as telling a committed Scientologist that Scientology is wrong.
Instead of trying to reason directly with the person, you must use
indirect methods. Trying to reach the person emotionally is one way of
doing this.
- DO tell the person that you love them and let them know
that your home is always open to them should they want to get away from
the cult. There are many people in Scientology who are deeply unhappy
and many who even want to leave, but who stay because they think they
have no place to go.
- DON'T use a confrontational or condescending approach
with the Scientologist. Never start or become engaged in an argument
with him about Scientology. Even though you know you are right,
understand that the Scientolgist also believes himself to be right about
Scientology. An argument will only drive the person further away.
- DO keep your cool and try to control your emotional
reactions, especially anger. If you can think of a time when someone was
angry with you, you can understand that anger only increases feelings of
defensiveness in the other person. Don't get angry at the cult member.
As Steve Hassan says, it isn't his fault!!!
- DO try to appeal to the person's emotions, and don't be
too upset if the person becomes angry. Sometimes parents become anxious
during an exit counseling when the cult member becomes angry, when in
fact the anger may be a good sign. The person is experiencing an honest
emotion, possibly for the first time in a long time, and it may be the
anger that helps to jump start the thinking processes.
When talking or writing to the cult member, talk about current family
happenings, talk about the friends the cult member had before joining
the cult, try to stimulate old memories, do anything to appeal to the
precult identity of the person. Send frequent letters, and have other
family members and friends of the cult member send letters too. Send
photographs -- this can be very effective. Make frequent phone calls and
don't worry about the phone bill.
It is also important to visit the Scientologist whenever possible. A
personal visit will help to counter the cult propaganda that you are a
Suppressive Person, or a Potential Trouble Source. When you visit, and
the cult member finds himself happy to see you, it may cause the member